It’s a fact: all of us will age. Some of us will age healthier than others and be able to stay active and independent until our last days while others will need some assistance as they go through the process. It’s likely that most of our readers have not yet reached their senior years and are still active in their careers, families and hobbies. However, many of our readers have parents or grandparents who have reached the age where they may need some caregiving or may be ready to take the next step and move into a retirement community. If you’re like most children, you want your parents to be the happiest and healthiest they can be as they age. However, you’re busy with your life and probably do not have the time or expertise to be their full or part-time caregiver. It’s important for children to know the different resources that are available to help them with the task of caring for their senior loved ones.
Helping Loved Ones Remain in the Home
Many seniors want to remain in their home and it’s easy to see why. They are most comfortable there and are likely surrounded by years of memories, some of which may be of those who have passed on (such as a spouse) or moved away. Seniors also want to stay as independent as possible and many of them view giving up their homes synonymous with losing their independence. Fortunately, many seniors can remain in their homes with varying degrees of help.
This holiday season, many children who don’t live near their senior parents are coming home to visit. If they haven’t been home for a while, it may be jarring to see that their parent(s) are not as self-sufficient as they used to be and they may begin worrying about how they can best help out when they live far away. “If you have family that lives near your loved one and that you are on good terms with, keep the communication lines open,” suggests Robbie Nathan with Care Consultants for the Aging. “Be ready to volunteer to help relieve them and the family caregiver of stressful situations, such as handling financial payments, providing long-term respite and being ready to do research. Anything that can be handled by telephone or online, offer your time and assistance. It is not unusual for a loved one to stick all of their bills into a brown envelope and mail them to the long distance caregiver to handle.”
“Sometimes caring for a loved one means having someone else care for them,” Robbie continues. “A visiting nurse is an option. They can set up and monitor medications and check on the patient’s health on a regular basis, usually following the direction of a doctor. There are Geriatric Case Managers who will virtually ‘adopt’ the patient. They monitor all aspects, including physical, mental and home. Geriatric Case Managers are hired privately and become the resource for the family. If there is a need for them to transport your loved one to a physician’s appointment or to be a liaison to the family, they fill that role. It’s having an expert who is available near your loved one and ready to navigate long distance caring with you. Lincoln is blessed to have Nebraska Nursing Consultants and Elderwise to use in this capacity. Every county in the United States has an Area Agency on Aging; Aging Partners in Lincoln is ours. http://www.eldercare.gov/ is also an excellent resource for statewide information. Care Consultants for the Aging also publishes an ElderCare Resource Handbook every other year that contains a complete list of Home Care Services and Living Options. This handbook is also available online at http://www.careconsultants.com/.”
The risk of your loved one falling or otherwise needing help when they are in the home alone is a big concern, especially if you don’t live nearby. You can rest easier by getting your loved one a remote security system. RJ Lipert with AlarmLink says, “With our Total Connect system, loved ones can check in on an elderly family member remotely and make sure they’re okay. This can be especially helpful if you aren’t able to reach your loved one by phone or other means and are worried they need help and aren’t able to reach a phone. In addition to the remote viewing, we can also equip them with an alert system that they either carry with them or is mounted in the home that they can activate if they have an emergency. We even have the ability to install two-way systems so they can communicate with their loved one or emergency services rather than just pushing a button and having the emergency services show up at their home.”
Making the Decision to Move to a Retirement Community
Larry Van Hunnik with Milder Manor says, “Elders are unique individuals who have made great contributions to our Great American heritage and the quality of life we are privileged to experience in Nebraska. Each person deserves to live the life they choose, whether that is a quiet retreat or an active lifestyle or something in between. Either one can be lived with independence, respect and dignity. Thus, when making a decision about where to live in later years, it should be done with individualized preferences in mind. If staying at home has become burdensome, confining, fearful, unsafe or is no longer the sanctuary it has previously been, then other options definitely can and should be considered.”
“Although it might be assumed that everyone would prefer to continue to live in their own home as they grow older, the staff at Gateway Senior Living hears stories from seniors and their adult children all the time as to why the decision to move to our retirement community was one of their best 
decisions,” points out Amy Fish. “Home ownership can at times be fraught with home maintenance and repair work, lawn and snow maintenance, and can be limiting based on the need to maneuver stairs or space restrictions in areas such as the bathroom. Living at home can also be cause for isolation from friends and social interests. At Gateway Senior Living, not only do seniors have a plethora of choices regarding social activities, meals and apartment layouts, they also have access to our campus transportation and maintenance-free living.”
Karla Frese with Savannah Pines agrees. “Seniors thrive in independent living communities due to increased opportunities to exercise, socialize and participate in active living. Populated by individuals who are committed to living life to the fullest, independent living communities encourage residents to participate in exercise programs and social activities that provide the foundation for a quality retirement lifestyle.”
Those considering the move to an independent living community will be interested to learn that the American College of Sports Medicine has focused on the theme ‘exercise as medicine’ since 2008. In short, exercise and the socializing that often accompanies heart, health and wellness activities, is the most potent and side-effect-free medicine available. Exercise positively affects every aspect of the body, mind and yes, spirit. Janette Drohman, Lifestyle Director with Savannah Pines, says, “Our residents enjoy participating in exercises through our numerous fitness programs including water aerobics, dance aerobics, weight lifting, walking club, sittercises, stretching and Wii Sports.”
Helping Your Loved One Make the Best Choices
“Seniors can select from a variety of venues that will provide the environment that best suits their individual needs and wants,” says Larry Van Hunnik with Milder Manor. “If someone is leaving the privacy of their own home, they will likely appreciate a robust community that offers an environment with choices that fit their desired lifestyle. Often security and gracious living plays a major role in the decision-making process. In other words, how does it feel and does it seem likely that a particular arrangement or environment will create the dignity in life, quality of life, quality care that will meet or exceed your expected lifestyle and personal touches.”
Pamela Carlson with The Waterford at Williamsburg explains, “It is difficult to lose our independence and I don’t know any parent who likes to have their children tell them what they ‘have’ to do. We spend our lives planning for the future until it isn’t what we want it to look like. Start now and talk about what your parents’ wishes are should something happen and they are no longer able to live alone at home. Together, research the options such as home care, independent or assisted living as well as skilled care and make a realistic plan for the next steps in life. Allowing your parents the ability to help navigate the process and make their wishes known before a crisis arises is a gift you can give to them and one you will appreciate in the years to come.”
John Kopetzky with The Legacy Retirement Communities adds, “Children frequently have a great deal of influence on the decision their parents make regarding senior living. We see the children touring a number of communities and gathering information for their parents. The recommendation of the children often helps the parents narrow down their choices and clarify what they’re looking for in senior living options. Sometimes parents will not want to move because they feel their children won’t want them to leave the home where the children have grown up. In these instances, the children need to reassure the parents that it’s okay to make the move. My advice to the children is to be supportive of your parents. This is a huge decision for them. In many cases, we see parents who have lived in the same home for 50 or 60 years…there are a lot of memories in that home. Reassure your parents that you want what is best for them and that it’s the relationship you have as a family that counts, not the house. Sorting through all the options available to seniors can seem overwhelming. Doing some of the initial research can be a huge help to your parents.”
“Adult children can play a part in this decision by starting the discussion and planning early,” adds Amy Fish with Gateway Senior Living. “Adult children don’t want to wait until a crisis develops to begin the search for the perfect retirement community for their parent(s). Children should keep their parent(s) actively involved in the discussions, tours, and selection. They should also know and understand their financial status so they may assist with helping facilitate any necessary financial assistance programs. Children will generally help weigh the positives and negatives of different housing options, assist with the actual move, help with the transfer of any important information, and most importantly help with the overall adjustment to a new living environment.”
“Many communities including Savannah Pines are full with a wait list; it is very important to start planning ahead of time,” remarks Karla Frese with Savannah Pines. “Ask if there is a deposit to get on the wait list and is it refundable if you change your mind. Savannah Pines has a $300 wait list deposit and it is 100% refundable. One way to begin the conversation with your aging loved one is to provide an example of someone you know who has received help and the positive impact it has made. We want to find ways to provide freedom and independence so your loved one can enjoy life and their families can receive peace of mind.”
Karla goes on to point out the top three things the children of loved ones should ask about on their tour of a community or when they call them:
1. Socialization & Transportation (Ask for an activity calendar, do they charge for rides?)
2. Great Dining Program with three meals a day (Be sure to try lunch!)
3. Choice, Options & Flexibility (Is there a long-term commitment, or buy-in or is it month-to-month?) Can you try it for 30 days with a satisfaction guarantee? Can you use home health care to provide additional assistance down the road so you don’t have to move again?)
On the topic of choosing the right community, John Koptezky with Legacy adds, “Cost is the factor that most folks zero in on first. While it’s obviously very important, even more important is the ‘fit’. All retirement communities have nice apartments and services. But the ‘personality’ of each community is very different. Make sure that you feel comfortable in the community. Visit with the staff. Talk to the residents. Do you feel welcome? Do you see yourself fitting in with other members of the community? When your loved one moves in, the community will become their home. Nobody should feel out of place in their home!”
Pam Carlson with The Waterford at Williamsburg reiterates, “It’s important to find a place that your loved one feels comfortable in. Remember when you bought your first home? When you walked in the door it just felt right. The same should hold true when looking into retirement living options. It’s also important to know how long can your loved one call this home? Making a move is difficult but making multiple moves later in life is often tragic. Always ask what level or care is provided or what “can’t” you do for me. Each retirement community offers a varied level of care according to regulations so don’t assume that they are all the same.”
Once a community is chosen, the time has come to prepare for the move. This can often be the toughest part of the process, especially if your parent is moving from their home where they’ve lived for many years and must downsize and get rid of (or put in storage) many of their treasured possessions. One of the best ways to minimize stress during this process is to hire a professional moving company to assist you with the transition. They can pack your loved one’s possessions carefully and transport them to their new home while you can concentrate on helping your parent settle in and comforting them during what can sometimes be a traumatic time.
Health Issues to Consider
Sometimes declining health, a fall or another issue occurs that forces us to make decisions quickly regarding our loved ones. Sometimes these decisions involve helping our loved one recover and return to their homes and sometimes they involve managing the issue as best we can so they can return to as normal a life as possible. Fortunately, there are professionals in the area who are prepared to help you with these issues.
Short-term transitional rehabilitation
If your loved one has experienced a health issue that has required a hospital stay, you may want to look into short-term transitional rehabilitation. Stephanie Farmer with The Ambassador Health System says, “Transitional rehabilitation is designed around the concept of bridging the gap between the hospital and the home. The goal of transitional rehabilitation is to assist the patient with reaching his/her goals for recovery, which in most situations involves a transition to a lower level of care. Patients who are recovering from an acute hospital stay may require skilled nursing care. Skilled care provides 24-hour nursing care for individuals with extensive medical and/or rehabilitative needs. These services might include: aggressive therapy, IV therapy or wound care. The goal is to return the patient to their prior level of functioning and independence.”
There are numerous advantages for a senior to go into transitional rehab rather than straight back to their homes. “When an individual has been hospitalized for an illness, injury or surgery, he/she requires a level of care that is focused on recovery and stabilization,” explains Stephanie. “At the time of discharge from an acute hospital setting, many individuals still require some form of rehabilitation to return to their pre-hospital level of functioning and independence. This care will be provided by a transitional rehabilitation program. If a patient returns home too quickly following a hospital stay, they run the risk of re-injury or illness which could result in re-hospitalization. Transitional rehabilitation cuts down on the possibility of re-hospitalization by providing therapy and skilled nursing that allows the patient to regain their strength and improve their overall condition.”
“Selecting the appropriate rehabilitation program and facility can be an overwhelming decision,” concludes Stephanie. “If the senior is transitioning from the hospital, he/she along with his/her family will often be required to make the decision within 24-48 hours. If possible, a member of the family should contact and tour the rehabilitation facilities before making a decision.”
Hearing Issues
If your loved one is experiencing hearing loss, he or she can be adversely affected in a number of ways, including a withdrawal from social situations, depression and an inability to enjoy activities that once brought them happiness. It’s important to watch out for signs of hearing issues in your loved one (television or radio too loud, asking you to repeat yourself more than usual, etc.) and get them help immediately. “Although hearing loss is a natural part of the aging process, it is different for every individual,” explains Dr. Sandra Miller of Complete Hearing. “The high frequencies are the first to be affected due to their location in the cochlea, or organ of hearing. Permanent sensory hearing loss is most common in those over 65. It typically begins with difficulty hearing in groups of people or in restaurants. Most patients complain that they hear, but don’t understand the clarity of the conversation and find themselves asking others to repeat themselves.”
“90 percent of hearing loss is successfully treatable with hearing aids,” Dr. Miller continues. “Many people are leery of pursuing better hearing because their friend had a bad experience or they are concerned about the cost. Each patient is an individual with specific needs. Our goal is to address those needs and find the right solutions specific to them. We encourage our patients to be educated consumers when they seek help for their hearing. We offer a no cost, no obligation out-of-office demo program for our patients to let them try amplification before they invest in hearing aids to ensure they have a successful experience from beginning to end.”
Financial and Planning Issues
There are a number of financial and other planning issues that need to be taken care of as people age, and usually the sooner they are taken care of, the better. One of these issues is pre-planning of funeral and burial services. Although no one really wants to think of end of life issues, planning this ahead of time can save a lot of time, stress, and extra expense. Your loved ones probably have a good idea of what their service and burial should look like, and they need to have this written down and properly conveyed so that their wishes will be honored when they are gone. In addition, securing the necessary arrangements now allows them to pay for the service and burial at today’s prices. Not only can this save money, but it also saves possible stress, confusion and grief that the family will experience if they must deal with it when they are already dealing with the feelings that come with a loved one dying. Connect with a pre-planning specialist who can help walk you and your loved one through the process to give you both peace of mind on this issue.
Wills and estate plans are also vitally important—not just for your senior loved ones, but for you as well! If you pass away without a will or estate plan, everything that you hold dear (including your children if you have kids still at home) could be dealt with in a way you never planned or imagined. Work with an attorney who specializes in estate planning to help your loved one develop a will and estate plan and then speak with the attorney about creating one for your family (or updating it if you already have one that has not been looked at in a few years) as well.
Remember that pre-planning can be your best ally when it comes to aging. No one knows better what aging can bring than the caregiver of an elderly parent. No matter how difficult this experience can be, try to learn from it and make different choices from the ones your parents made that are making their golden years more difficult (or, on the flip side, if they’ve made good decisions that are making the experience easier, consider incorporating these decisions into your own plans).
It can be difficult taking care of an aging parent, especially if they need extended care or are experiencing health issues. Whether you live near or far away, it’s always a good idea to get help from the professionals who can help you navigate the world of senior care with the least amount of stress possible.
Today our office is abuzz helping one of our clients put together her Thanksgiving dinner. The team of caregivers have all taken a part of it; one is ordering the pie and picking it up; another is coming early to make sure the turkey is basted and slid into the oven (the client’s morning caregiver is not a cook!). It makes me smile to think that not only does this client need a team of professionals to care for her daily physical needs, but also has brought them into her emotional and social life…they have become “family” in every sense of the word.
—provided by Robbie Nathan of Care Consultants for the Aging