There are a variety of changes we experience throughout a lifetime–some that have already been planned for and others come as more of a shock or surprise. These unplanned changes are often difficult, both emotionally and in terms of management, but there are many businesses that help their clients successfully adjust to and navigate through whatever life throws their way. Knowing who to partner with is the first step to dealing with these situations effectively so you can focus on moving forward in a positive direction.
Planning for the Unplanned—Communication and Research are Key
Bryan Block of Butherus Maser & Love says that the families they assist, by the very nature of their business, are very likely in the midst of an unplanned life change. No matter how long a person’s death may have been anticipated, the reality of that loved one being gone is something that impacts every individual a little differently. Often the life changes are stark, drastic, and emotional. They may or may not cause a major change in the day-to-day activities a person faces, but the emotional impact is always there. Perhaps the most difficult thing people deal with–and the most easily remedied–is simply the lack of planning regarding this issue. Block says this is not necessarily about prearranging funerals (though that is a tremendous help and very much appreciated by surviving family members), rather about simply researching your options and communicating your preferences to those who will be in charge of your arrangements.
In addition to the obvious changes that occur within families when there has been a death, many people face unplanned life changes in the months or years preceding a death. Block says, “Every week we deal with families that are in the midst of the ‘Medicaid Spend Down’ process. Few people in their 50’s give this any thought and the idea that they will be petitioning the government for assistance seems to be an unlikely possibility. Unfortunately, the tides change for many people and an illness causing a long stay in a care facility can wipe out a life’s savings in a hurry. That is not an indictment of our care facilities because we are blessed in Lincoln with great facilities and great caregivers; however, this great care doesn’t come without a cost. Should the situation arise where a family is swimming through the Medicaid application process, one of the things they are often told to do is to make their funeral arrangements. This can be handled in such a way that Medicaid will not look at the funeral arrangements as an asset when calculating their net worth. This can be a very emotional discussion for some people. If they have never given this any thought, if funeral planning was something they felt was taboo or they were simply uncomfortable with it; they are now faced with the reality of having to make these decisions in a hurry with little time to ponder the type of service they may have wanted. We view our time with families in this situation as much of an education process as anything. People don’t know what they don’t know – and funeral planning is one of those things people just don’t do on a regular basis. Much of our discussion is spent simply evaluating the various types of services that are available to assure they get the funeral they want. We would be happy schedule a time to visit with anyone that is facing these issues and help you through our end of this spend-down process.”
Vicki Newman of Lincoln Family Funeral Care agrees that for quite a few of the families they help, having to visit a funeral home and plan a service for someone they love that just died is a major unplanned life change. Death is the one thing in life we are all certain to have happen but the one we least want to talk about or plan for. Newman says, “From talking to many people and observing things myself it seems that in the U.S., death is a topic that we avoid. Our medical professionals are taught to heal, not to talk about death. Since new treatments and advances in the medical field have continued to increase the average life expectancy, it seems that there is so much hope placed in seeking eternal life that even when death seems inevitable we attempt to deny it and prevent it. As a result of this way of thinking, most people are completely unprepared emotionally and financially to deal with this unplanned life change.” She adds, “The best advice I can give is the simple act of communication! Talk about a living will, talk about how you want people to remember you, talk about what kind of a service you would like, talk about who you want to take care of things and where you want your services – share your legacy! Take every opportunity to tell the people you love how you feel about them and what makes them special to you. When an ‘unplanned’ death occurs, too many people are filled with regret about things they should have done or said. The families I meet with that are the most at peace with an ‘unplanned’ death are those that have taken the time to communicate with each other and broach the difficult question of ‘What if?’”
Crisis Management—Creating Opportunities for Conversation
Sometimes when dealing with unplanned life changes, you just need to get the conversation started. That is the philosophy of Jackie Bates, RN, CHPN, who owns and operates Conversations. Conversations is a business based on Bates’ published handbook “Conversations: Living Through The Process of Dying” that offers education, public speaking and consulting services for those coping with terminal diseases or death. Bates says, “The unplanned changes in my line of work are called crisis and need to be approached with a heart and mind of compassion, mixed with information and resources. Facing end-of-life issues places each one of us in a vulnerable position. Protecting dignity during these often unplanned changes is at the top of my priority list. More than likely, the most difficult aspect is when a physician has told someone ‘there is nothing more we can do for you.’ The prognosis of life is short and it is time to prepare for the end. Everything — and I mean everything — changes at this point in time. Decisions are made at a relatively fast pace with minimal time to think and evaluate. Plus, the choices in making those decisions are usually ‘this or that’ and not a long list of options. Emotions are varied and there is no longer a normal day. People find their world turned upside down and the reality of not having control as they once thought they did is pressing on each second of the day.”
“My favorite line of my book, “Conversations: Living Through the Process of Dying” is on the back of the handbook and journal. It reads, ‘Sometimes, you just need a little help to get the conversation started…’ There are three sections addressing different phases of life: Discussions, Comfort, and That Moment in Time. The book is intended to help those of you who are trying to prepare for these unplanned changes ahead of time and for those facing those changes right now. Another strategy to prepare for and live through change is educational opportunities such as a Lunch N Learns. Small groups gather over the lunch hour and participate in a presentation specific to end-of-life issues. Topics can be tailored to the interests of the group and participation in this format is very effective. I try and answer as many questions from the group as possible during that hour. This method is about preparing, giving resources and showing people where they may take their next step. My business also has a private, in home opportunity called Living Room Discussions. These are small groups (however many fit in your living room) who spend one to two hours with me as we talk about end-of-life issues in a broad fashion or personalized to your needs. Civic/faith groups enjoy this setting for informational purposes, but if there has been an unplanned change in your life and privacy is what you want, there is no driving necessary. I will come to you and meet with your family in your own space. People are often most comfortable in their own home, where they are the Kings and Queens of their domain and feel that they can maintain control of the conversation. Instead of talking in an exam room with an open backed gown on, they are nestled in their own favorite recliner or at the kitchen table with the coffee stained mug they have used for years! They are at home and I am their guest.”
Bates’ best advice is to allow a team of people to come around you (family, friends, hospice team, neighbors, coffee buddies, faith community, etc.). Many will want to help you in their own special ways. She stresses to remember that it is a part of life for some to run away and avoid your story. This is their loss of control and they have the option to avoid the situation–you don’t.
She adds, “These discussions and services are not just for the vulnerable, sick, dying or aging clients. I find that many people benefit from having these discussions with me. Health care professionals are trained to pursue the cure and restorative level of care. Shifting the conversation to end-of-life care — sometimes called comfort care or palliative care — can be like throwing a bucket of ice cold water over their mind. I welcome them to join me in the options above and see where we can elevate each other in our field of work.”
Making Financial Considerations
Life insurance is a critical area of coverage, as it provides for your family in the event of unplanned situations. This includes covering funeral expenses as well as supporting your family after you have passed. Life insurance is no place to skimp, especially with generally low rates. It is important that you match the term of the policy to your needs, as you want the policy to last as long as it takes for your retirement income to kick in or for your dependents to reach 18 years old. There are generally two divisions of life insurance: term policies (or pure insurance coverage) or the many variants of whole life, which combine an investment product with pure term insurance and build cash value. When deciding which will work best for you, there are many local agencies that can answer all of your questions and provide you a list of options best suited to your specific needs. Generally speaking, policies with an investment component cost many times more than term policies. The best advice any life insurance agent will give you is to buy your policy when you are healthy. Older people and those with ailments or other health concerns pay much steeper rates for life insurance. It is also crucial that you are truthful throughout the process, as you can be assured later on if a large claim is made the insurance company will do a full investigation before paying you.
It is also essential to protect yourself against identity theft. Identity theft can quickly and easily create huge financial problems that will compromise your plans for the future. According to Kyle Dailey of SequrID, there are five types of identity theft that are the most common and can be incredibly damaging to your credit, finances and reputation. These are Social Security Number Theft, Medical Identity Theft, Criminal Identity Theft, Financial Identity Theft, and Driver’s License Theft. SequrID takes a proactive approach to protect you, your loved ones and your company from these types of identity theft by continuously monitoring your credit and giving you the tools to do the same. Once the damage has been done, SequrID has experts in identity theft restoration that will customize solutions and work on your behalf to correct any issues with affected agencies and institutions.
Coping with Life’s Unplanned Changes
You’ve heard the saying “expect the unexpected”, unfortunately, it is not as easy for some as for others. Dealing with unplanned life changes can be a very real challenge. Life changes can impact the way we operate in every facet of our lives. Many times people need professional help to get them through some of these unplanned life changes, such as job loss, loss of a loved one, aging parents and even mental illness in the family. These challenges seem unbearable but help is available.
Premier Psych is an outpatient mental health clinic that specializes in the treatment of people who present with these and many other issues that can be caused by changing life dynamics. Premier Psych’s staff spend time assessing the issues and taking the appropriate course of action to help patients regain mental stability as they navigate life’s challenges. These solutions may include prescribing the proper medication, deep transcranial magnetic stimulation (which is a non-invasive treatment for depression), and/or ordering pharmacogenetic testing to bring balance to mental stability. Counseling, psychological evaluation and therapy may be needed to break the cycle of decline. In some cases, patients need to be encouraged to embrace change as something wonderful could result from dealing with change. Therapy can also be as simple as a provider suggesting to a client that it doesn’t take any more energy to think of a change in a positive way than it does to worry or fret about the unknown and that it is sometime fun and exhilarating to anticipate something new or unexpected.
Georgia is a 49 year old from Lincoln who has changed jobs twice in the last two years, gone through a divorce after being married for 20 years, and recently lost her best friend due to a sudden death. Georgia sought treatment at Premier Psych due to the fact that unplanned and planned life changes and challenges became too much of a burden for her to cope with other aspects of her life.
For 49 year old Georgia, Premier Psych providers recommended a divorce support group and other resources that helped her start to deal with the unplanned life changes that were taking control of her life. Her story is just one example of the variety of treatment options that could be as simple as a referral of a support group or medications that can assist the patient. If you, a loved one, or anybody in your life may need help in dealing with unplanned life changes, please call Premier Psychiatric Group at 402-476-6060 or 877-926-8867 or visit their website at www.premierpsych.com.
With a physical illness, the signs and symptoms are often visible to the person diagnosed as well as to their family members. They can see changes that are occurring and can often track a decline. A memory disorder may mask itself as ‘forgetfulness’ or be contributed to ‘old age’ for months or years before the client or family seeks guidance from a physician. By the time the client receives a diagnosis, the decline has already begun. When someone has Alzheimer’s or Dementia, their mood and behavior can change day to day or situation by situation. What may seem comfortable and familiar at one moment may not feel the same as the day progresses. The staff at High Plains Alzheimer’s Special Care Center is trained to recognize these symptoms of the memory disorder and help to educate family members and our community on the many facets of change in memory caregiving. Brenda Kastens of High Plains says “As an individual transitions into a memory care facility, the change in their environment and routine can potentially bring about a change in personality, behaviors, eating, and sleeping habits. To reduce these responses, we work very closely with the resident and their family to gather their unique life story. We discover what their likes and dislikes have been throughout life, what their ‘normal’ routine had been, as well as their tastes in music, favorite activities, family interactions, and what possessions they treasure. We focus on their remaining abilities instead of focusing on the limitations.” She adds, “We utilize our ‘Meaningful Moments’ program which all staff and volunteers are trained in. Our focus is to recognize spontaneous moments to bring meaning and joy into their daily routine. Something as simple as sitting down to have a cup of coffee and visiting with a resident can create a meaningful moment. Not only does that simple act allow for one-on-one time between a resident and a staff member, it gives the resident the chance to share a story and to benefit from hydration as well. We provide education and training to families, other caregivers, and community about the challenges and opportunities that an Alzheimer’s or Dementia diagnosis may bring. We will also host events on and off site, as needed in order to answer so many of the questions that these terminal illnesses present.”
Honestly, very few of us “plan” to die. Hospice Community Care helps people who are facing life limiting illnesses every day. Their focus is on life and the quality of living, and Hospice Community Care strives to help their patients live full lives all the way until they die with dignity, comfort, and better than great care. Rhonda Saunders of Hospice Community Care says “Facing a life shortening illness or having a family member who is dying IS the greatest unplanned life change of all. Hospice care seeks to meet the spiritual, emotional and physical needs of patients and families. Counseling, clergy support, nursing care, pain management, comfort, dignity and peace is what hospice brings each day to patients and families. Unfortunately, many people misunderstand hospice care and wait too long to seek out services. Hospice does not mean you have ‘given up’, you’re close to death, or there’s no hope. It offers support, care and comfort.” She adds, “There is no better time than the present to have ‘The Conversation’ with yourself. What are your personal beliefs, wishes and plans for end of life care? Visit with an attorney to update or draw up a Will, a Living Will, and identify a Power of Attorney. Most importantly, share this information with your family and those close to you who will need to know these types of details.” It is crucial not to put this off—planning ahead and settling these details way before they are actually necessary can eliminate stress and allow you to focus on more meaningful aspects of your life. Saunders urges those interested to give a hospice agency a call and begin receiving extra support for yourself or a loved one.
Legal Assistance
As a law firm that handles clients’ claims as the result of a severe motor vehicle accident, a semi-truck accident, a serious bodily injury accident, or a wrongful death matter; Sundvold Law Firm sees a number of unplanned life changes that have devastating effects. Their clients have the challenge of dealing with the actual repercussions of the accident itself, which typically involves suffering with the severe bodily pain after the incident, undergoing surgery, and going through a very lengthy recovery process. Furthermore, if a client is in need of significant medical treatment they will be faced with work issues immediately. Often times these people cannot return to work for several months or may not be able to ever return to work. This poses a significant financial issue for the injured party and their family. Even if a person is eventually able to return to work some time down the road, they would have used up any sick time, vacation time, and exhausted FMLA. So, this unfortunately leaves them unemployed. In this tumultuous economy, being unemployed is not a favorable position. On top of the work issues, medical bills are likely to be extremely high. These bills can very quickly climb into the six figure dollar range.
Obviously, accidents cannot be prevented in their entirety and will continue to happen. However, there are ways to minimize the financial effects. Thomas Sundvold of Sundvold Law Firm, P.C., L.L.C., says “Many of our clients come to us several months or years after an accident. By this time, they have been contacted by an adjuster from an insurance company for the negligent party. Typically, the adjuster will take on a friendly demeanor in an attempt to force the injured party’s guard down. The only job of an insurance adjuster is to settle a claim for as little as possible. Insurance companies have a multitude of in-house attorneys and adjusters and other claims personnel who work all day long attempting to settle claims for as low as they possibly can. Every insurance company is the same way. Your life changing accident is assigned a claim number by the insurance company. Many adjusters are handling several hundred claims on any given day. Personally, I know how insurance claims departments work because I worked for an insurance company as a claims attorney and for one of the nation’s largest trucking companies as litigation claims counsel for over eight years before starting my law firm and representing injured clients.”
Sundvold explains “The insurance company will not present a fair offer to any claimant if they are not represented by a highly competent attorney who has a vast amount of knowledge and experience with insurance claims. After an accident, it is very important to contact and retain an attorney with insurance claims experience. Shortly after an accident, the insurance company adjuster will call or visit the injured person to obtain a written/recorded statement depicting the events leading to the accident. If the injured party does not have a lawyer present, the adjuster will attempt to ask questions which would turn liability away from their insured and back on the injured party. This could be damning evidence and put an end to your claim before it was able to get started.”
Hiring the right attorney very early on will ensure that the injured party is being protected and not being controlled by the insurance company. There are so many complicated issues that can arise during the claim process and you will want a skilled attorney working for you. Ultimately, a lawsuit may be filed against the negligent party. In this case, the insurance company continues to be in the game and will hire legal counsel to defend the lawsuit. If you have retained an attorney early on in the process, your attorney will be extremely knowledgeable about your claim and will very well prepared to battle defense counsel. In these cases, Sundvold stresses the importance of hiring a skilled attorney with claims experience and knowledge. This will always pay off in the long run by maximizing your recovery. If a person is unfortunately injured by the negligence of another party, he or she has the right to not be taken advantage by the insurance company and to obtain the highest settlement or verdict possible in order to achieve financial recovery as they work towards a full injury recovery.
Many times in life changes occur without warning. This forces us to engage and deal with these changes in the best way we know how. During those times, the more tools and resources you have access to already, the better you will be able to manage any crisis or loss. There are many local businesses and organizations that can help you prepare for these events to ensure that you will have a plan of action and support when you need it the most.